im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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