youre lurking in front of me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
