you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
