So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
worst night to have a conscience
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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