saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
