If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
