And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
