Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize