We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
