oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
