he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
