I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
