also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
