people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
