Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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