Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
