Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
