We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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