Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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