i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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