while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
