Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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