Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
