just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
