I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
