eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.