so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...