fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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