WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.