Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire