Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?