...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
