Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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