I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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