tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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