i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
