I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
