you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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