Already got asked if we're dating
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
