there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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