dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
