Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
