everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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