My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
