just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
