What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
