So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
