you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
