I seem to have left my pride at pride
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
