guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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