mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
