Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
