oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
