My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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