I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
