He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
