My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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