I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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