I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
