I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
