Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
