things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
