In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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