why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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