she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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