last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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