There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I love you.
Bad choice
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