my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
