been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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