I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
