Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
