i don't like sucking hair
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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