just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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